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Saturday, April 18, 2009

This is so sad



I grieve for the deep grip Zimbabwe has on my heart

For the life we had, beautiful farm, children living a wholesome healthy life, the green wheat fields, cotton fields, labourers picking the cotton counting cotton bales, tractors stuck in the muddy lands, motorbike rides round the farm every afternoon, dogs and all trailing after us. Visits from next door farmers, parties on the farm, the feeling of complete happiness, safeness and planning a forever life on the farm, hoping that maybe one of our daughters will marry a farmer and take over the farm.
And we would build a house on the farm an life our old age out. The trips to Harare to get supplies and catching up with friends in other towns, visits to Kariba with friends having a complete gas on a houseboat or at a local Harare restaurant, even meeting at a tobacco sale. I miss that wholesome feeling of feeling so complete in my life I miss knowing that my girls will be educated at a good secure school, school runs with my friends to Barwick, chatting to all the parents, fetching my child from school on a Friday knowing the weekend would be filled with horse riding swimming, good meals, good friends and loving parents.

I grieve for all the farm workers we had to leave behind destitute and sent off the farm.

I grieve for my maid who brought up my two girls.

I grieve for my otter, duikers and birds I had to give away when we left.

I grieve for my cattle, horses and wonderful old house we had to leave.

I grieve for all the material memories we had to leave photos etc.

I grieve for the separation of a family and friends split up due to leaving Zimbabwe not only for the fact that my husband had to work in another country whilst we had to move to another country to educate our girls.

I grieve for the immense change my girls had to endure, the crying to go back home the missing their father and friends.

I grieve for my poor husband who had to make an alternative plan to make money for us to live.

I grieve for al the stress we had to take on especially my husband who eventually died of cancer.

I grieve for the strength he tried to endure to conquer his disease his desperateness at leaving us in a country foreign to us with no family.

I grieve for his complete feeling of being betrayed by the only country he knew.

I grieve for the struggle we have now to survive without a husband, a farm and a once secure life.

I cry often at how wonderful our life was and what we have gone through I often ask why and Guess we will never know.

I still deep in my heart have a slight sparkle to one day return to the
country of our birth right and oh how I prey. I left my husband ashes
in Kariba knowing how he loved that place.

Have you ever felt like everything has been taken away from you and you are left so vulnerable trying so hard to keep strong for two growing girls who need you to be strong, yes I know every Zimbabwean who has been displaced feels like me. I just needed to get it out.

God be with us all and maybe one day we will all reunite back home.

Sharon Barton

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